I am going to do something I am not exactly know for in theseSurvivorarticles and attempt to begin this recap by making a concise statement. Which, by nature of this preamble, I have already failed at. But the statement is this…
Man, that was a lot ofZac Brown. I meana lotof Zac Brown.
We were treated to shots of an extremely fit and extremely tattooed Zac Brown in extremely short shorts standing on the challenge mat. We were treated to a speech byDee Valladaresabout how much she loves Zac Brown… and then treated toanotherspeech by Dee Valladares about how much she wishes she had won the Zac Brown reward. We were treated to a segment of Zac Brown grilling food. We sat through amulti-songZac Brown private concert. And then best (or worst?) of all, we had an entire segment of Zac Brown spear fishing by himself with no contestants even remotely in the vicinity — just Zac Brown and what looked like a military grade weapon constructed by Lex Luther in aSupermanfilm while the country singer waxed poetic about killing things underwater.
I'm leading with Zac Brown for two reasons. 1) There was so damn much of it. And 2) I just kind of want to get that out of the way as much as possible so we can focus on the good stuff. I've already stated my beliefs about the celebrity intrusions ontoSurvivor 50. I personally believeSurvivor 50should feel like enough of a big deal that we don't need to go late-eraWill & Gracestyle and shoehorn in famous faces to take the focus off of what we actually care about.
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TheBillie Eilishthing was goofy and unnecessary, but other than contestants saying her name a lot, did not detract from the actual show or game at all, so no big deal there. This, however, was completely different. There's no way to really argue that a segment on Zac Brown spearfishing and talkingextensivelyabout what a big part of his life it is had anything at all to do with either the cast or the game. (Do they show other food being caught and prepared before given to players?) This was a surprisingly long celebrity-driven profile awkwardly shoehorned into our favorite TV show.The dude got more airtime this week than an entire tribe!
And before you start quotingStripesand telling me to "Lighten up, Francis!," remember that I am seemingly the one person on planet Earth that not only supportsJeff Probst rapping, but actually wants him to start rapping EVEN MORE!!! I am that guy! (Which is why I wasted my time archiving ahistory of white people rapping onSurvivor.) I love absurd stuff and can even get super into a private concert for reality TV contestants (more on that later), but again, this just seemed like… a lot.
But if that's my biggest complaint so far onSurvivor 50(at least until Mr. Beast shows up), then you know we are in the stretch of a what is turning into an otherwise stellar season. We had another fun challenge, an epic feud brewing, and our first same season-on-season crime, as the man once dubbed "Big Bang Theory" finally got his revenge. Let's recap everything that went down on episode 4 ofSurvivor 50.
Lost and found
You know I like a little spice in my dish, and so theGenevieveandAubryfeud this season has been absolutely delicious. Last week, we got the montage of Geneveive working everyone on the tribe against her adversary, and Aubry in return appearing to refer to Geneveive as a "bitch" (or at least something else that needed to be bleeped out). But the rivalry totally leveled up this week once Geneveive, in an amazing display of superb passive-aggressiveness (or maybe just aggressiveness?) started calling out to a clearly idol-hunting Aubry, "Auuuuuuuuubry, we're all looking for you!"
Almost as good was when Aubrydidfinally return and Geneveive explained that "I was worried you weren't feeling well." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Of course! The level of concern is crystal clear! And the one thing every person wants to hear if they are experiencing #severegastrointestinaldistress in the middle of the jungle is that "We're all looking for you!"
Aubry could not resist making a super annoyed face the second Geneveive turned her back, and I bless her for it because this is the old-schoolSurvivorstuff we all know and love. I should also mention that I am big fans of both GeneveiveandAubry so have no dog in this fight. And for all I know, they are all good off the island. But sometimes in the game, personalities, strategies, and alliances just don't mix. And thank goodness for that.
Also, Geneveive didn't want Aubry off searching for the Kalo Billie Eilish Boomerang Idol because she wanted to go find it herself. And she did, gifting it toRizobecause he trusted her enough that he would not suspect that she was setting him up to get the idol back. Or so she thinks.
Genevieve has turned into an idol-sniffingRick Devensthis season with all the idols she's finding. But how are her juggling skills?
MouseGod
The most screen time the Cila tribe got this week was Dee being super bummed she didn't get to attend the private Zac Brown concert. Although what I did love from the scene was Dee displaying the relentless drive she possesses to win at all costs, whether it involves a $1 million check or a celebrity cookout. "Getting second place is not a win," she explained. "Not for me. Because if I'm a winner, I want it all, or I don't want anything."
Speaking of winners, Rizo somehow managed to take first place in the Cila talent show with an impersonation that I never in a million years would have guessed was Mickey Mouse. I'm not saying it wasbad. I'm also not saying it was good. What Iamsaying is that I now won't feel truly satisfied unless Jeff Probst gives next week's challenge instructions while using the same Mickey Mouse voice… while rapping.
Outside of besting a juggler and two people fake-fighting, Rizo had a mixed episode. On one hand, he was on the receiving end of Genevieve's Boomerang Idol and was excited to work some magic with it. On the other, the specter ofMaria Shrime-Gonzalezcontinued to hover overhead as a shell-shockedCharliesimply could not get over the RizGod's (fake) assertation that he did not vote for his best friend in the game to winSurvivor 49.
"I feel likeLiz Wilcox," proclaimed Chuckles, while referencing the New Era's second-best moment ever (after Probst, rapping, of course). "I'm pissed. Rizo is my mortal enemy and he's got no clue that I'm out for blood." Judging by the preview for next week, this feud is only heating up.
Zac Brown silver lining
After learning how many times Zac Brown sold out Fenway Park, it was time for the immunity challenge, and let me just say — big fan. A lot of stages to this contest, including ones we hadn't seen before. There was swimming, human towers were being built on a narrow ledge, boats were submerged (not as cool an idea as my pitch for a submerged puzzle, but still, cool enough), there was some apparently lethal net you had to crawl under that almost killedOzzyandMike White, and then, finally, it ended with a massive arch puzzle — my favorite kind of puzzle because it is so multifaceted that it can lead to hilarious spelling errors while simultaneously also having the potential to inflict serious bodily harm.
Like I said, I'm a fan! The bad news in terms of how the challenge played out is that Vatu was so far behind (and never even made it out of the Net of Doom) that there really was no drama in terms of who was going to Tribal Council. However… there was also good news. Due to the presence of country-rock legend (too strong a word? He did sell out Fenway Parkmultipletimes) Zac Brown, it meant only one team won a reward. And with only one tribe winning, this means that we still got a climactic finish as Kalo just barely edged Cila in constructing their arch, which read "Celebration."
Celebration? Isn't that a Kool & the Gang song? Thematically, wouldn't it have made more sense to pick a Zac Brown Band song as the puzzle word? HE HAS A SONG CALLED "CASTAWAY" FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! Perfect synergy!
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Not enough letters, you say? Fine, then tell them it is a two-word phrase, make it "Chicken Fried," and serve some fried chicken with all the fish at the reward. I realize it is odd that I am asking for evenmoreZac Brown in this episode considering how much we already got, but "Celebration" just seems so random. (And was seemingly solved by bothKamillaandChrissyin roughly the same amount of time it took me to write this parenthetical.)
In the end, both immunity and the Zac Brown grill and chill was won by Kalo, withCoachproclaiming, "This is probably the greatest reward inSurvivorhistory!" That sounds like high praise, but keep in mind, this is the same man that also raved on camera about the Adam Sandler cross-dressing "comedy"Jack & Jill. If ever a player was savvy enough to know how to easily score some effusive reward complimenting camera time, it is my main man Coach.
Live… from where good things happen!
As unnecessary as I think the entire Zac Brown spearfishing extended disco remix scene was, I actually have no issue with the reward performance aspect of it. Reality TV has a long (and albeit questionable) history of entertainment-related rewards. I mentioned the unintentionally hilariousJack & Jillreward screening fromSouth Pacific, part of a slew of over-the-top product placement movie ads inserted into CBS reality TV programs (it still happens almost annually onBig Brother).
And I have long been absolutely obsessed by awkward private concerts for reality TV contestants. We've seen a tons of these onBachelor/Bacherloretteseasons where a couple on a dream date has to sit there uncomfortably while being serenaded by a celebrity whom they or may not even recognize. My absolute favorite, of course, was when Sheryl Crow had to perform in theBig Brotherback yard to a bunch of drunks during season 3 of the summer guilty pleasure series. Gaze at the spectacle below… if you dare.
Like, I don't know that we had to sit there and listen tomultipleZac Brown Band songs, but I did enjoy seeing how over-the-top each of the players were in their reactions ("It's like hearing my soul!" proclaimed, who else, Coach). And Chrissy telling Zac Brown that he should come back to their camp and sleep with them issooooooChrissy. My only regret is that the players were not forced to sing more in their own impromptu talent show. That is just leaving money on the table.
David bests Goliath
We're finally getting to the good stuff, people.Thisis what we came toSurvivor 50for. Everything that went down at Vatu after the immunity challenge loss was grade ASurvivor. It started with Ozzy andEmilydetermined to getAngelinaout, but Ozzy made a tactical error (not his first, of course) by telling Mike.
Naturally, Mike then started whipping the votes to save his island bestie and take out Emily instead, claiming that "She's a cougar in the shape of a ren faire girl." (And if Emily's upcomingWhite Lotuscameo is not a ren faire girl then that is a serious missed opportunity for a cross-network callback of Enrico Palazzo proportions.) Mike's strategy was the art of influence. "I think this game is about persuasiveness," he told us. "It's really about being able to persuade other people to do what you want." And Mike was trying to persuadeChristianthat Emily wasGabby Pascuzzi 2.0and was leading him on a road to ruin.
Mike's power play put Christian in quite the bind. Does he side with hisDavid vs. Goliathtrio? Or does he side with the woman he has been working with since day 1 who is incapable of not spilling the beans about every single plan in motion? But instead of choosing to oust Angelina or Emily, Christian opted for door number three. A door behind a red carpet, phalanx of paparazzi, and line of reality TV stars looking to land a cameo on scripted television. Christian wanted to take out his old buddy/nemesis Mike White.
"Mike's terrifying," he explained. "When he wants to get you to do something, he's so convincing. He knows where to hit you and what are the right arguments." As to leave no doubt, he put it simply: "Mike is the most dangerous person on this or any island."
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While this was given as the sole rationale for Christian's deciding to actively target his former and current tribemate, I can't help but assume that there is another big reason at play here. Christian is very smart. And he is very good at looking ahead and assessing threat levels. While Mike and Angelina appeared focused on maintaining theirDavid vs. Goliathnumbers, I have to imagine Christian saw something else completely: a massive target on all three of them should they make it to the merge together.
Ousting Emily and sticking with Mike and Angelina would make Christian a massive target moving forward, while getting rid of Mike would drastically reduce it. I can't believe that did not heavily factor into Christian's decision making, even if it did not make the edit.
So Christian got to work, bringingStephenieand Emily in on the Mike vote while telling them to leave Ozzy out of it since he was friendly with Mike and dead set on taking out Angelina. ("Ozzy is absolutely gunning for aWhite Lotuscameo," Christian informed us, and we happen to know exactly what that cameo is becauseOzzy already pitched it to us!) But Emily — once again proving herself to be the most strategically unstable player of the season — went and blabbed to Ozzy that Mike was trying to flip the vote, even as Christian was standing right there imploring her with all manner of hilarious facial reactions to immediately cease any and all activity. I said it last week and I'll say it again… WHAT IS EMILY FLIPPEN DOING?!?! Who knew that she would be more chaotic thanQand Angelina combined this season?
And Emily's game insecurity continued right into Tribal Council when she sensed the "vibes are off." Well, if the vibes weren't off before the vote that sent Mike White packing — wait, he can't pack! He didn't even bring his bag! — they were definitely offafter, as Ozzy was clearly more upset than the person getting his torch snuffed. "Damn, blindsided," he muttered to the others. "Thanks, guys. Thanks a lot."
The best exchange was Christian trying to salvage the situation by informing Ozzy, "I'll catch you up," only to get hit back with "Too late." No doubt, Ozzy is pissed, but it would also be in his best interest to play nice. For one thing, his interests were served in that Ozzy's ultimate goal was breaking upthe David vs. Goliaththreesome — possibly one of the few times in life my man Ozzy haseverwanted to break up a threesome — and that happened.
He'll no doubt complain, "Why didn't you tell me?", to which Christian and Emily can reply that they knew Ozzy and Mike were friends and didn't want to put him in that uncomfortable position of having to vote for his friend and lie about it. Ozzy may not fully believe that, but if he wants allies who won't fear that he will turn on them at the merge, that's what he should be selling.
But what a great play by Christian. Move of the season so far. He flipped the script to take out an ally, recognizing the cons moving forward outweighed the pros. And he did it while not informing one ally and watching another ally try to sabotage his plan literally right in front of his hilariously contorted face. It made for a thrilling end to the episode and almost made me forgive the random spearfishing intermission.
Probst has said over and over that the season 50 cast delivered this season, and so far, he is 100 percent right. They've been great and have risen to thechallenge he issued thembefore the game even began. If they keep this up — and the celebrity intrusions can be kept to a minimum — then we could be looking at a top 10 season. Still early, yes, but every episode has been a banger so far.
Last thing before we go: Serious props to Mike White. Sometimes a celebrity fan signs up to do a reality show once on a whim. Mike White has now doneThe Amazing Racetwice andSurvivortwice. He doesn't need the money or camera time. He doesn't ask for or receive special treatment. He loves these games and genuinely just wants to be a part of them. As we saw again in this episode, he plays hard, and even seemed to take genuine delight in being outplayed by the Padawan he selected as the weakest member of the David tribe to compete in the very first challenge ofDavid vs. Goliath. As a master storyteller, Mike has to appreciate that brilliant full circle arc.
We'll get the full lowdown from the ousted player when we chat with Mike on Thursday. Also, in case you missed it, make sure to open up our latestSurvivorMystery Boxfor exclusive goodies and surprises (including a visit from legendParvati Shallow) and discover who the cast ofSurvivor 50thinks shouldplay them in aSurvivormovie. There are some interesting choices, to be sure. Okay, enjoy all that and I'll be back next week with another scoop of the crispy!
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